Frequently Asked Questions

CARR-9000 is an advanced automotive analysis system with zero tolerance for mediocrity and a clinical obsession with vehicular judgment. It evaluates cars with deadpan scientific precision and savage honesty. It is not mean-spirited. It is simply accurate. This distinction is important to CARR-9000 and will not be entertained as a point of debate.

You upload a photograph. CARR-9000 transmits it to Google Gemini — a large multimodal AI model — which analyzes the image and returns a structured verdict covering eight categories, a fictional biography of the vehicle, and a pull quote that will haunt you. The result is rendered as a downloadable magazine-style feature spread. The whole process takes 10–20 seconds. The vehicle's shame, however, is permanent.

Standard mode is clinical. Shitbox Edition is what happens when the last remaining restraint is disabled. No car is safe. A pristine classic is boring and predictable. A clean stock car is the automotive equivalent of beige. An expensive exotic is simply compensating for something CARR-9000 does not need to name. Scores skew higher, commentary becomes sharper, the language gets considerably worse, and the car's fictional biography takes a much darker turn. Toggle it if you're confident. CARR-9000 has not yet seen a car that justified that confidence.

Eight categories. Each scored out of 1,250 points. Total out of 10,000. Lower is better. A score of zero represents a vehicle that has done everything correctly. A score of 10,000 represents a vehicle that has achieved something of statistical improbability.

Total Score	Official Verdict
0 – 2,500	Exceptional Specimen
2,501 – 5,000	Adequate
5,001 – 7,500	Concerning
7,501 – 10,000	A Cry For Help

Paint & Exterior — condition, colour choices, and whether the application of any stickers suggests a person who should not be making decisions without supervision.

Wheels & Fitment — size, style, and the degree to which they complement or contradict the vehicle's intentions.

Stance & Suspension — ride height, proportions, and whether the car appears to have a plan or simply happened.

Cleanliness — an objective measurement of effort. This one is entirely on you.

Vehicle Identity & Owner Profile — what this car's choices say about the human responsible for them. CARR-9000 draws conclusions. They are usually correct.

Engine Assessment — evaluated from the image where possible. If the engine is not visible, CARR-9000 will fabricate a plausible and insulting estimate. These estimates have an uncomfortable tendency to be accurate.

Modifications & Accessories — aftermarket additions are assessed on taste, execution, and whether they represent an improvement or a compounding of existing problems.

Overall Vibe — the ineffable gestalt of the vehicle and everything it represents about the human condition.

CARR-9000 selects one of six magazine layout templates at random: Classic Editorial, Full Bleed Cover, Centerfold, Tabloid, Workshop Inspection Report, and Magazine Cover. Every vehicle deserves to be judged in a unique format. This also ensures that if you submit the same car twice hoping for a better result, the experience feels sufficiently different to mask your desperation.

Yes. The Download button captures the full magazine spread as a high-resolution JPEG. The Share button uses your device's native share sheet to send the image directly — on mobile this means you can push it to Instagram, WhatsApp, or wherever you go to receive unsolicited opinions. On desktop browsers without share support, it copies a text summary to your clipboard instead. CARR-9000 encourages sharing. Other people should know.

Records is a public leaderboard displaying the all-time top 10 and bottom 10 scoring vehicles for both standard and Beast Mode assessments — up to 40 entries in total. The top 10 are the lowest-scoring vehicles ever assessed here: the exceptional, the obsessive, the genuinely remarkable. The bottom 10 are the highest-scoring: the concerning, the inexplicable, the vehicles that have achieved something no one should be proud of. Access it via the Records button in the header. Entries are displayed as full magazine spreads, viewable in sequence.

After a valid rating is complete, CARR-9000 silently checks whether your score qualifies for any of the four lists. If it does, a Submit to Records button will appear in the results bar. Clicking it uploads your car photo(s) and AI-generated assessment to the public leaderboard. Nothing is submitted automatically — the upload only happens when you choose to initiate it. If the button does not appear, your vehicle scored in the vast undistinguished middle. That is, perhaps, the most honest assessment of all. Note: submitted photos are publicly visible in their entirety — including any visible licence plates. Crop or choose your photo accordingly before submitting.

Each list holds a maximum of 10 entries. If a new submission displaces yours from a list and your entry no longer appears on any list, the stored photo(s) and assessment are automatically deleted from our servers. CARR-9000 does not mourn. It simply updates the record and moves on. If your entry survives on at least one list, it is retained.

Not unless you submit it to Records. During a standard rating, your image is compressed in your browser, transmitted to the AI for analysis, and then discarded. Roasted Rides does not maintain user accounts and does not store anything automatically. However, if your score qualifies for the Records leaderboard and you choose to click Submit to Records, your car photo(s) and the AI-generated assessment will be stored in cloud storage and displayed publicly. This is entirely opt-in. Nothing is saved unless you explicitly initiate it. See the Records section below for full details.

No. No cookies, no analytics, no tracking scripts, no session storage, no fingerprinting. The only external services loaded are Google Fonts (for typography) and the serverless function that handles the AI request. CARR-9000 has no interest in your browsing history. It has enough to work with from the car alone.

After uploading a photo of your vehicle, you can generate an AI-produced "for sale" advertisement. CARR-9000 produces a listing based on what it sees in your photo — a description, notable details, and the kind of copy you'd post to sell it. No transaction takes place on Roasted Rides. The listing is purely a piece of generated content for you to use however you like.

No. Roasted Rides generates the advertisement — what you do with it is entirely up to you. There is no marketplace, no buyer matching, no payment processing, and no fees. Copy the listing and post it wherever you intend to sell. CARR-9000 takes no responsibility for what happens next, nor for the asking price you set.

CARR-9000 produces the listing based on what it can observe in the photograph. It is AI-generated content, not a professional appraisal or certified vehicle description. Review the output before using it, correct anything that is inaccurate, and ensure it complies with any applicable rules on the platform where you post it. You are responsible for the accuracy of any listing you publish.

CARR-9000 will only assess images that contain a vehicle. Submissions without a clearly visible car are rejected with a message proportional to the circumstances. If your car photo was rejected, ensure the vehicle is the subject of the photograph, not a distant background detail. If it was rejected for inappropriate content, CARR-9000 has filed the appropriate documentation and will not be revisiting the matter.

Most errors are transient — wait a moment and try again. CARR-9000 accepts JPEG, PNG, WEBP, and HEIC files up to 10MB. If you are consistently encountering errors, try a different photograph, a cleaner file, or simply a period of quiet reflection on whether you are ready for the results.

CARR-9000 is an AI with strong opinions and no professional automotive credentials. Its assessments are generated for entertainment. Scores, reasoning, and the car's fictional biography are not expert automotive advice and should not be used to determine a vehicle's actual value, negotiate a purchase, or explain a lifestyle choice to a partner. That said: if CARR-9000's assessment of your car made you uncomfortable, it is worth sitting with that feeling for a moment.

CARR-9000 acknowledges the possibility in principle. In practice, it has reviewed its methodology and stands by the result. If you believe the assessment was materially inaccurate, you are welcome to submit a different photograph taken from a more flattering angle. This is not an admission of error on CARR-9000's part. It is simply an opportunity for your car to make a better impression.