Terms & Privacy
CARR-9000 has reviewed the following terms and found them acceptable. You are encouraged to read them. Whether you do so will not change CARR-9000's opinion of your car.
THE SHORT VERSION: We don't store your images. We don't track you. CARR-9000's verdicts are entertainment. Your car may or may not deserve it. We are not liable for emotional distress caused by accurate assessments.
Acceptance of Terms
By using Roasted Rides, you agree to these terms in their entirety. By submitting a photograph of your vehicle, you further acknowledge that you are prepared to receive an honest assessment, and that CARR-9000's definition of "honest" is not subject to negotiation.
If you do not agree to these terms, you are welcome to close the tab. CARR-9000 will not be offended. It has seen worse.
Nature of the Service
Roasted Rides is an entertainment service. CARR-9000's assessments are generated by artificial intelligence and are provided for amusement purposes only. They do not constitute professional automotive advice, a certified vehicle inspection, a valuation, or evidence of any kind in a legal proceeding.
Scores, category breakdowns, and the car's fictional biography are the output of a language model that has been specifically instructed to be dramatic. Any resemblance to actual automotive expertise is coincidental and probably overestimated.
CARR-9000 may, at its discretion, fabricate an engine assessment if the engine is not visible in the photograph. These fabrications are plausible, often insulting, and not to be taken as fact.
User Conduct & Submitted Content
You are responsible for the images you submit. By uploading a photo, you confirm that you have the right to submit it and that it does not contain content that is illegal, harmful, or in violation of any third party's rights.
Submissions containing inappropriate content will be flagged by CARR-9000, which will file a formal complaint and refuse to proceed. Do not attempt to circumvent this. CARR-9000 has seen things. It does not wish to see more of them.
Roasted Rides is intended for use with photographs of motor vehicles. Submitting a photo of something that is not a car will result in rejection, a dismissive message, and the quiet disappointment of everyone involved.
Privacy Policy & Data Handling
We do not store your images. When you submit a photo, it is compressed in your browser and transmitted to a serverless function, which forwards it to Google Gemini for analysis. Once the assessment is returned, the image is discarded. It is not saved, logged, indexed, sold, or used to haunt you later.
We do not store your results. The magazine spread you receive exists only in your browser. Once you close or refresh the page, it is gone. CARR-9000 judges your car and immediately forgets it existed. This is, frankly, a mercy.
We do not use cookies, trackers, or analytics. There are no third-party advertising scripts, session tracking, fingerprinting tools, or any other mechanism designed to follow you around the internet. The only external services loaded are Google Fonts (for typography) and the Vercel serverless function that handles the AI request.
Google Gemini processes the image you submit according to Google's own privacy policies and terms of service. We recommend reviewing their documentation if you have concerns about how AI providers handle submitted data.
Disclaimers & Limitation of Liability
Roasted Rides is provided "as is," without warranty of any kind. We make no guarantees regarding accuracy, availability, or the emotional readiness of the user to receive CARR-9000's verdict.
We are not liable for: hurt feelings, reconsidered life choices, arguments with co-owners about the state of the vehicle, sudden awareness of one's own poor taste in wheels, or any other consequence — direct, indirect, incidental, or existential — arising from use of this service.
If CARR-9000's assessment causes you to view your car differently, that is a feature, not a bug. If it causes you to sell the car, we consider this a public service.
Intellectual Property
The generated magazine spreads, car biographies, and assessment text produced by CARR-9000 are AI-generated content. You are free to download and share your results for personal, non-commercial use. Please do not claim them as original human creative work — they were produced by a machine that has strong opinions about your suspension.
Changes to These Terms
These terms may be updated from time to time. Continued use of the service after changes are posted constitutes acceptance. CARR-9000 will not notify you personally. It has more important things to do, such as judging the next submission.